To live in the moment....

Hopefully this post wont be too philisopical or heavy, its just been one of those weeks for me. When you start to think about whats really important and grapple with whether you are actually doing what is right and what is real. My aunt is dying. She has been pretty sick for a long time with Emphysema and on oxygen 24/7 for years but she has always been the cat with 9 lives. We have joked about that with her, that when we got "the call" from my uncle that she was in the hospital again she would somehow get better when no one thought it was possible. This last visit though brought her to a crossroads. She needed surgery and if they put her on a venilator for the surgery they probably wouldnt be able to take her off. Did she want that? No, so the decision was made to put her on hospice and have her go home. She in many ways was more like a mother to me than an aunt, because at a young age she was my mother. My sister and I were staying with her when my mother was killed in an auto accident the week before my third birthday. She took my sister and I in when my father and his second wife divorced a few years later. She was someone that saw the YOU in everyone regardless of the skin they were in or what they had done. You were a person of worth and honor in her eyes because you WERE. We were all sweethearts in her eyes. So in thinking about Aunt Andi, and all is and has meant to me, I look at my own life and wonder...am I living my life truly in the moment? I know we all say that...to savor the moment, but do we really live like that? How would our words be different if we were really looking at our last conversation with one another? What things would we be doing? What thoughts would I be thinking? I'm starting to think that in order for me to truly live in the moment I need to live in the end. The end of my days that is. Instead of taking for granted another day, another week, another year...I need to shorten my perspective and think about this day, this hour, this person in front of me now and be real and LIVE in this moment with no regrets, no falsehoods, no shame, no judgement...only love, and humility and God's grace.

What can I say...I have an amazing husband?

This is the view I get to see when I wake up on the morning of my 40th birthday....and Tom arranged it all for me. I have already been here for three days but it feels like a week because its a perfect combination of what relaxes me....the sound of the waves, warm 70 degree days, no agenda, and terrific food. I love the ocean breeze on my face and hearing the sea gulls and seeing the pelicans dive for fish. I love reading a book in the warm sun while sipping a cup of coffee and napping if I find myself dozing in a chapter. It has been an amazing few days and I am so blessed. If you see Tom tell him how much I love him and how blessed I feel.
If you ever get the chance to visit San Diego it rivals my all time favorite place...St John in the USVI. We are staying at the Del Coranado Hotel on Coranado Island. Check it out here...www.hoteldel.com

Got my baby fix!

I spent this past weekend helping my sister care for Jackson...her little 5 week old son. What a sweetheart...I miss him already. I also got to watch some tv and saw amovie...all from her couch while giving my sisters arms a break. Those things are a real treat for me. I cant wait to see all of them when they come out for a visit in November.

When I returned on Tuesday I was sent into full fall schedule. Caila has already had two volleyball games. They won the last one and lost the first. Its great as a mom to see your child's skills develop and allow them to do things that really impact their lives. She has been able to jump in and play with the varsity team and has developed some great friendships through trying volleyball.

Nick and Ben have begun their first weekend of football games. Today Ben had his first game, and had a great 45yard run. He came home telling me all about how everyone on the other team was chasing him. They played the toughest team in the league and got beat, but you wouldnt have know by the look on his face. Nick plays his first game tomorrow. He was named offensive left tackle..so he's feeling the pressure and smiling big as well! Lets hope that the quarterback does well tomorrow!

Maren is plugging along with her cheerleading practice and being my buddy while we drive all around to everyone else's practices..so far she hasnt minded. I think she appreciates the quiet when everyone else is busy. Too bad she's not old enough to drive....I could use her help!



On a more somber note, my sister had to say goodbye to her long time friend and traveling companion Mac. Mac was losing control of his back legs and when I left he was also losing control of the front, even with pain medication you could tell that he was trying to put on up a good face, but it just became to much after a while to try to get him outside anymore...and when you cant get a big guy like Mac out to do his business...it gets hard to do hospice care anymore, especially with a new baby.
We love you and miss you Mac...thanks for taking such good care of Ang from one coast to another!

Jackson Taylor has arrived...watch out girls!

My sister and her husband are the proud new parents of this handsome little guy. Congratulations Angie and Perry! Isnt he just gonna melt hearts? He's already melting mine. I get to go see him over labor day weekend. I cant wait!

MY FAMILY

Its not everyday you see your family covered in mud..and they chose to do this. Its just one activity of many at family camp.
We go to Life Action family camp every summer for the past few years and its always a great time....notice Maren and I arent pictured...? We also weren't muddy! Hey...someone has to take pictures!

The Summer Begins!

I sit here in our new house, on the last day of school for the kids...just thinking about how much of my personality and nature cringes at the thought of change..upheaval..uncertainty, and yet that is exactly where I have been walking with God in the past 10 years or so. The picture is our pug Bella...and yet it reminds me so much of myself...keep looking up!
The more I say yes to God an no to myself the more twists and turns and adventure happens in my life that I would have never imagined. I honestly don't know how I manage the blessed hum of life around here. I know some of you look at my life/schedule and think its crazy...but that buzz is what God uses to keep me dependant on him for every step. When I say step I mean step...because it has been two years now that I have been hobbling around with plantar facitis. First in the left foot and now in the right one. If it were up to me, I would be about 3 sizes smaller right now and lounging at a pool in my bikini...but getting through the day and obeying God means that my reality is there are 6 kids in my house eating pizza and watching movies and I am sitting with my sore feet up with a snoring pug at my side, and it is so good.
I have learned this past year how God meets the desires of your heart even if you don't voice them to anyone...God sees you...not just your life, and circumstances...but the inner part of you that not even your closest friend or spouse sees. Its terrifying because some of those parts of me are ugly and shameful and you dont want them seen by anyone, but God has had to scream his love out to me in only ways that I would see it, and in ways that only He would know...and I see that no matter how much I dont meet my own expectations...or dislike where I am or who I am...that I am precious in his sight and He sees the me inside me.
So where am I going with all of this? Well, we should hear sometime in the next 6 months or so about our daughter in China. When we felt God urging us to adopt again two years ago...well I never would have believed we would be waiting this long. Our family will have a new baby in the house and our youngest are 10 years old...why the gap? Am I ready for the middle of the night wake ups and the energy of a toddler? How am I going to manage the schedules of a high schooler, a junior higher and two elementary students with that of a baby? I have no idea, but I do know that the God who sees me has it all figured out and I am going to keep looking up, saying yes and smiling back because I know who knows ME best.

We're Home!

We did officially move in...and we are all unpacked...and in the process of trying to get organized. Its not easy doing all of those things with a full schedule of basketball, volleyball, cheerleading and track! Speaking of track...Caila is going to state! She qualified in the long jump with a huge leap of 14 feet 91/2 inches. I think her angel lifted her up and boosted her forward...cuz she shocked herself!

School is out for the kids in 23 days...I'm not counting they are! Although a few days without driving them somewhere at 7:30 am sounds really nice right now. It should be an interesting summer...there are a lot of kids in our block...and they all congregate around our new basketball hoop. I will be trying to get organized with a new baby coming...we dont have any official word yet..but the rumor is that we should be getting a picture sometime in August or September...as long as the olympics dont interfere with getting things done. You never know one way or the other. As soon as we get some information I will post it here!